die another day
by SebonzaMitsuki27
Summary: Organisation XIII. Twelve ways to ruin Christmas. One way to make it work. Sort of.


die another day

disclaimer: I do not own kh.

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**1. **

Axel burnt down the Christmas tree.

See, it's a well-known fact that Axel burnt things when he slept. His bed, his latest prostitute, the walls, whatever. He burnt them and as a general rule, the Organization doesn't really care. It's none of their concern. And hey, if those ladies of the night, as Luxord romantically called them, gave into their cause, it was all for the greater good. So, it was okay.

And then the Flurry of Dancing Flames burnt down the goddamn Christmas tree.

Well. There was Hell to pay for that.

**2. **

The Turkey was still alive. Breathing and with feathers and making a racket.

Larxene wanted to kill the little fucker.

How were they supposed to _eat_ it, while it was still _alive_?

Marluxia protested, claiming that he wanted a greener Christmas.

Larxene exploded the lights, frazzling the Graceful Assassin's perfect hair.

The turkey promptly received a stab in the heart by her yellow kunais.

**3. **

Demyx refused to cook, claiming that this was the one time, aside from his birthday where he was _not_ going to cook.

So Xemnas asked the _next _best cook, aside from Marluxia, who was still pissed about his hair and the fact that he was now de-feathering the bird.

Vexen was happy to comply, until Lexaeus, with Zexion's help, dragged him into the basement.

Zexion assured the Superior that his weapon, the magnificent book, did indeed contain cooking recipes.

**4. **

Saïx forgot where the presents were hidden. Not one of his finer moments, and received many beatings for it.

What point was there to celebrate the damn custom (that Roxas insisted with puppy eyes) if they didn't have the presents?

All the Nobodies that were attacking Saïx were destroyed the second he Beserked, demolished the wall and discovered the horde of forgotten presents.

Gravely, the Lunar Diviner was to spend the rest of Christmas fixing the property that he had obliterated.

**5. **

Xigbar refused to dress up as Santa Claus, stating that if Larxene wasn't the frickin' Virgin Margie and Axel wasn't the Ugly Joe, then he wasn't going to be some stupid fat guy in a red and yellow suit with a bad fashion sense.

Xemnas refrained from stating several things: that Roxas would then be the Baby Jesus, the correct term was _Mary _and _Joseph_ and Santa Claus was red and white. Besides, Larxene was no means a virgin. Many hickeys and moans that echoed within the Castle in the World That Never Was were concealed and was not a secret.

Larxene and Axel would also kill them if Xigbar said such a thing to their faces, not caring if they were disrespecting the older community.

**6. **

Xaldin drank all the brandy.

That was stupid, in hindsight, in retrospect, for Xaldin was not a heavy drinker, and in fact, did not drink _at all_. This meant he was in for a Hell of a hangover the next morning. But he was tired of the whining and how people were completely ignoring his _awesomeness_ or rather, his presence unless he actually did something, and so he turned to drink, and learned never to do it again.

Though many would admit, afterwards, that it would be best if none reminded Xaldin for recreating a shadow puppet version of Ramayana, though brilliant and quite amazing performed with his spears, was completely inappropriate because it was the wrong religion.

Many people were scarred for life.

And Xigbar will never be his drinking buddy ever again.

It was a shame that they never got to set the Christmas pudding alight, though Axel begged to differ.

**7. **

The curious incident of hanging upside down and being swathed in Marluxia's plants would forever remain a mystery.

**8. **

Lexaeus failed to mention that he was allergic to peanuts.

This made Vexen stay by his side and try to correlate a scientific formula that would, in fact, cure him quickly.

Because no one liked the Landslide that completely wrecked the Superior's Quarters and they didn't want it to happen again.

**9. **

No one knew who slipped Roxas whisky. Some suspected Axel, though the Flurry of Dancing Flames denied it.

Sober, he was emo and angsty. Drunk…

Well. To the amusement of Xigbar and Xemnas, Roxas claimed that Axel and Larxene were his parents and he loved them. Very, very much.

He fainted with a smile on his face, completely charred with static hair, a puffball.

No one was really surprised that Axel and Larxene were angry and were totally blushing afterwards.

**10. **

"For the last time," Demyx said with an annoyed voice, "it's _not _Halloween. Even I know that."

**11. **

So maybe, just _maybe, _Larxene, Luxord and Axel shouldn't have set fireworks to Saïx's room as a wakeup call. And maybe, just maybe, they should not have been playing truth or dare the night before, with Luxord instigating the bet.

He never claimed that Lady Luck was on their side, or his.

**12. **

The ash burnt remains of Axel's latest kill were no replacement for snow. It ruined the romantic atmosphere when Axel told Larxene.

**13. **

Xemnas stood before them on the white table, long and thin. "Listen to me. We are doing this correctly and if anyone dares not have their Christmas hat on, does not tell a joke, eat all that's on their plate, they are going on a long mission until the next holiday. So say grace, and eat the damned food."

An ominous pause.

"Larxene, just kiss Axel already; you've been under the mistletoe long enough."

In the middle of the food fight, the Superior sighed, and solemnly said:

"Xigbar, stop braiding my hair."


End file.
